Look inwards at your emotions, observe them. Find where they are located, in the body. Analyse them. Learn to recreate those feelings by thinking and moving the body in just the right way. Our emotions work like our hands or legs, they are physical, you can learn to see them analyse them and ultimately control them. You have a problem where reflexive muscular memories are being triggered at a level below your awareness, creating emotions you have no need for. Dig into them bring them into awareness and shut down the ones that are not useful to you. Work out what you want. Of you don't know what you want, make that your goal. Meditate on it, draw, write, speak all of it. You need that moment of fight that you get when you are threatened. Do not be ashamed of that response or imagine it to be inappropriate or useless. Embrace those feelings that get you where you want to go and cast aside those which do not serve you. It's not easy, but at the bottom of all of us is a place of total belief, of complete power. Use that self that will not give in, give it power.