I use WhatsApp without allowing them access to my contacts. I have to just add people's numbers manually and I have to memorize who is who based on # and profile picture (thankfully the people I talk to with WhatsApp all have different area codes).

I don't use Facebook nor Instagram, and I only use WhatsApp for 3 Android users, the rest of the people I talk to I use iMessage.

> I use WhatsApp without allowing them access to my contacts.

That appears to be impossible for WhatsApp on Android. Someone wanted me to install it a bit ago, I refused to give it access to my contacts and it refused to do anything else until I did.

So I deleted it and we used Signal instead.

It is possible on Android, but if you do, you can't initiate any conversation - the remote party has to speak first.

We did try that and it supposedly claimed to the other party that I didn't have the app installed. Not that that would have been a scalable solution anyway, since then no pair of people could use it unless one of them gave it all their contacts.

Meanwhile the option remains available to use a different app that doesn't behave that way.

So why should iMessage get all of your contacts by default?

I made the choice for Apple to have my contacts by buying an iPhone. If I didn't want Apple to have my contacts (as I do not want Google or Facebook to have mine) I would have not bought an iPhone.

Personally, I made the choice for Apple NOT to have my contacts (by entirely disabling iCloud). The only company I accept handling my contacts is the one I paid (Fastmail).

Yes, you sound like a very typical whatsapp user, I can see how whatsapp could work fine without contacts access, since most users are like you. 3 total contacts, all with different area codes -- very typical, I don't know why whatsapp even asks for contact access, probably something nefarious.