Fun article. The idea of faking your death has probably occurred to a lot of people in military service.
It sure did in my case--it only took two days of basic training to make clear that signing up for the US Air Force was the worst mistake of a heretofore untroubled life. It's gratifying to see my proposed method (an untimely hiking accident) so highly praised.
Just out of curiosity for anybody who has gone through this exercise what method(s) did you consider? Extra points for originality.
Funny you mention two days of basic training being your worst mistake.
My biggest problem with basic was keeping myself from laughing out loud at the various antics. Once I was able to control that urge, it was pretty straightforward. I saw it, essentially, as six weeks of necessary bullshit that allowed me to get to the next level.
My term in the USAF as a 3C0X2 (computer programmer) was fantastically beneficial. I'd already been programming for over a decade when I went in. But the installation I landed at allowed me to really learn in a lot of new directions.
Having said that, I know a lot of folks that had a far less productive time. But it's still a pretty good way to bootstrap a life independent from family, in my opinion at least. The money from the GI bill is very valuable, plus, with some measure of self control, single Airmen can save up a ton of money, since the USAF pays in full for food, housing and medical.
I did compulsory service, and the most important lessons for me from it are:
1) You get (well, are forced) to mingle and cooperate with people outside your "circle" and bubble (of course this is truer for compulsory service).
2) You are in place where no one treats you like a "unique snowflake".
3) You get to do all the shit people usually have their parents, mothers, cleaning services, etc do for them, even more so than when merely living alone, because there you are forced to do it, and to do it for 100s of people.
In basic training, I ended up being very close to a lot of different people that I would have otherwise never come in contact with, to that level.
And in my opinion, this is a very healthy thing.
One thing I'd like to share that cracks me up, all these years later. Pardon the forthcoming ramble.
I had been handling guns from a pretty early age, but I was still looking forward to training on the M-16.
Well, at least in the early 90s, there is exactly one (1) day of weapons training in USAF basic training.
In the morning, we got on a bus and went to the ass-end of Lackland AFB where the gun ranges were. We then received our weapons, with no ammo in sight, and 'trained' on them in several hours of classes.
Note, this classroom was just a classroom, with desks, with the normal classroom density. And so 50 young men and women were sitting at desks with M-16s. And, on various cadences, we all held them up, put the clip in, simulated chambering a round, aimed, and pulled the trigger.
But we had to aim...kind of up and to our left. Because we were never suppose to point the weapon at another person we didn't mean to shoot, loaded or otherwise.
It was an absolutely absurd scene.
Many of my class-mates were openly afraid of handling these weapons, and it showed.
After lunch we marched, weapons slung, over to the firing range. We were to each fire sixty rounds that day. The first thirty were warmup/practice. The second 30 were for qualification. We each lay supine with the weapon on sandbags. Only then were each of us handed three rounds each, which we pushed into the clip. And then we fired those three rounds.
The young lady next to me was terrified of guns, and had never touched one. I noticed that she was closing her eyes before each shot.
After we fired our 30 rounds into the targets, our final scores were calculated. My target had 30 holes tightly grouped in the middle. But there was another hole, off all by itself, right on the edge of the target.
Somehow I managed to score 31 out of 30 that day, though it was recorded as 30.
The young lady next to me repeated 'gun day' twice more, with different flights (groups), before she qualified.
Sorry for the ramble!
The real punch line came when I asked my training instructor, later on, why we bothered with only a single day of weapon training.
He laughed out loud and said something like, fuck if I know. Think about it, Diederich. What do you think would be going on if Airmen were forced to actually use their weapons against an enemy. The war would already be over!
Indeed! The USAF: where the best chance of direct enemy contact comes from becoming one of the few tens of thousands of officers who actually venture into enemy territory on occasion. The 'grunts', the enlisted, no way.
Yeah, I thought the same thing when I joined as a 3C0x2 in 99. 10 years later I was still a 3C0x2 (3D0x4 by then I think, I got out shortly after the AFSC changed), but I was attached to an Army infantry unit (3-1 INF) in Afghanistan as part of the ILO, or in lieu of, program where they would take an Airman from a similar career field in lieu of a soldier. They later renamed it to JET, joint expeditionary tasking. I experienced direct enemy contact as an enlisted Air Force computer programmer. About half of our 80-person team was AF, most in on-the-fob support roles like services and supply, but the mechanics, medics, and civil engineers that were out with us every day were all AF, and all enlisted except two of the CE folks.
This was less the case in the past fifteen years, where USAF personnel in certain career fields were often pressed into Army roles. Particularly in convoy and military police operations, the Army had overextended itself and needed the other branches to fill in the gaps of trained personnel.
For most airmen, it can be years before you're even considered for deployment. Less than a year into my enlistment as a Security Forces airman, I was sent to be a prison guard ("detainee operations") at Camp Bucca in southern Iraq. There were Army and Navy personnel, but most of their guards were troops put into a role outside of their usual training...a couple years prior such non-police "augmentee" soldiers without proper use-of-force training were involved in the torture incident in the prison at Abu Ghraib.
During Desert Storm, one of my computer programmer co-workers got yanked to a nearby base where he received a two week crash-course on being an airforce cop, so that the actual airforce cops could deploy to Saudi Arabia.
An 'airforce cop' is basically the same thing as a civilian cop. They drive around on base in police-looking cars, hand out speeding tickets and handle the occasional drunk and disorderly.
He had some pretty funny stories about how many strange situations he found himself in, given his abject lack of directly relevant training.
Fortunately, the goings on in nearly all USAF bases are exceedingly lawful, so his situations were always funny and WTF instead of dangerous.
> Fortunately, the goings on in nearly all USAF bases are exceedingly lawful, so his situations were always funny and WTF instead of dangerous.
That was my experience doing state-side law enforcement at a Space Command base - night shift was especially fun for the weird calls, like complainants worried about "satellites orbiting San Bernardino County" and the "glowing red airship" suspiciously near some antenna arrays with the usual air collision beacons. The usual response was to refer them to public affairs as our office was strictly limited to a terrestrial jurisdiction.
Definitely more lighthearted than being downrange.
I saw a guy do it once at the range, but he was mainly just showing off. The position is well described in [1], which may be of interest to you if you're not solely poking at the grandparent commenter's having confused 'supine' with 'prone'.
> if you're not solely poking at the grandparent commenter's having confused 'supine' with 'prone'
In my experience, people commonly use "lie prone" to mean basically any position, but nobody knows the word "supine" except in its technical meaning contrasting with "prone". Thus, I thought this was worth clarifying; I'd be happy to assume that someone using "prone" in a context that heavily suggested another position just didn't think of "prone" as referring to any position in particular; that seemed like an odd assumption for "supine".
Do you have a suggestion for wording the question so as not to sound insulting?
I'm not sure I do; I read it as smart-alecky because that's what it would have been had I written it, but on reflection I don't suppose you meant it that way, and I didn't intend to suggest in my response that I thought yours insulting.
I suppose I did come off a bit unduly bitchy, though, and I'm sorry for that. Some weeks go by in a moment; others feel like they drag on for months. This last was one of the latter sort, but there was no call for me to go and take that out on you.
Did your M16 have a .22 insert so you did rifle practice with .22 shorts for ammunition? This apparently helped Lackland save money but meant shooting practice was a lot less fun than some of us had hoped. (We had .22s at home to keep the woodchucks down.)
On the other hand the rifle disassembly and cleaning was taught by a woman who knew the weapon inside and out. She was excellent and a lot more soldierly than any of the dweebs in my flight.
We were using the real deal ammo, though we heard talk about how they were moving to the smaller rounds.
Right...it was my experience that the actual teachers and trainers were pretty cool compared to the TIs. Fortunately, our two primary TIs were among the most chill. Our sister flight's senior TI was terrible.
In the RAAF basic training we have our weapons for almost two months, at all times. We have to piquet them at night and weekends, hang them up when we shower, have them slung when we brush our teeth... Clean them daily, do all our marching drills with them. But we still only fire live rounds for one day! Weapons are a total pain to care for I never want to own one myself.
Yeah people have different reactions to such an odd environment. I had a really bad time the first two weeks of Army basic training, but by week 3 I was actually kind of having a good time with it, in an odd sort of way. Everything still hurt really bad, but it was also kind of hilarious and was glad I stuck it through to the end.
Didn't make an extended career out of it, but my years there gave me a needed boost of confidence.
I had a very similar experience to yours -- I was also a programmer and likewise saved up a bunch of money for grad school. I even got my BA while in the service thanks to generous education subsidies to active duty personnel. As for not laughing well most of us have been there. That feeling lasts well beyond basic training.
Even though I started this thread by talking about wanting to fake my death being in the military was overall a very good experience. As somebody else already said down-thread it forces you to mix with a wide variety of people, something we don't do nearly enough as a society. For that reason alone I think it would beneficial to bring back the draft though perhaps minus the part about fighting wars all over the place.
Mandatory civil service could be an alternative to the armed forces, for those that don't want to be involved in fighting. In fact, I would like to see a civil service branch patterned after the military branches (or maybe similar to the peace corp), which would be primarily responsible for all infrastructure projects (road / bridge building, govt. office positions, IT services, etc). This would be an excellent way to get young people who are out of high school into the workforce. Then if they can't find private work after their 2-year civil service stint, they can always re-enlist.
We used to have that in Germany when there was still mandatory military service a few years back.
For historical reasons, refusing to serve with a weapon was very common, and in this case one had to serve an equal time in the civil sector, such as help out in a kindergarten, hospital or old people's home. There was a lot of complaining after the service was abolished due to the missing very cheap labour.
I was an officer, but went to Officer Training School (OTS) which is a 12-week boot camp kind of approach, and I came to post similar thoughts. My dad was in the AF so I knew there was some level of BS to deal with, and just put up with it until I finished. I looked at it as a small price to pay to have an opportunity to get out in the world and do something better with my life which has paid massive dividends ever since.
Yeah, back when I thought about this (I'll disappear, and _then_ my ex will be sorry! 19 year olds aren't overly wise) the plan was to disappear while tramping (hiking). Although making it authentic would be hard - you'd have to pick an area where it's too dangerous to thoroughly search by foot, if they can get in there with dog trained to find corpses, then they'll be able to discount the area - and you have to be able to leave sign that makes it look like you entered that area, but not leave sign that showed you exited. Footprints are the big one here, so my thoughts were to exit on deer trails in socks, carefully.
There's also a few rivers I know of that have a reputation for keeping bodies - one of them[1] took my brother-in-law about five years ago and there's been no sign of him since. But, it's a bit harder to do that one and exit the river without anyone seeing you.
Out of curiosity, what were the biggest differences in your expectations vs reality of basic training?
I've never been in the military so I don't know how accurate pop culture portrayals are, but I never got the impression it was supposed to be a walk in the park...
The biggest surprise was the feeling of being trapped. In the US military you volunteer for a period of years and once you sign up you are in for that long unless you get kicked out (really bad and career limiting), get discharged for administrative reasons (unusual at least in my day), or die (see above). This only fully sinks in after a few days of basic training.
My service was a while back during the second cold war, which was actually pretty peaceful for the US military. The wars in the Middle East have added whole new dimension that I cannot comment on from personal experience.
I've never seriously considered it, though there were times during my previous marriage that no one would have faulted me for trying. That said, if I were going to it would be hiking or camping, outside of the state I'm in now, and I would have to prepare incrementally over a year or so. Buying or making survival gear, stuffing away $5 at a time here and there, and preparing myself to live off the land for the foreseeable future.
The reason I say that is because it's becoming much more difficult to be a "nobody" in an urban environment. You can only disappear until your first run-in with police. Even if you've never been arrested you're still in the system.
Yet, many people staying illegally in a country manage to live in cities (yes, they aren't in the system, but that isn't advantageous, as 'not being in the system' already is a cause for locking you up)
The trick indeed is avoiding any run-in with the government. If there's one group of people who never jay-walk and always have a valid ticket in public transport, it's illegal aliens.
That depends on the country. If citizens are obliged to carry an ID, any finable offense, no matter how small, can trigger the more severe offense of not being able to show ID. When subsequent research leads to the discovery that one doesn't have an ID, it can get you locked up or kicked out of the country.
In the US, some will call the correct authorities. Others simply refuse to spend their money on it.
But the bigger risk is that committing a minor crime puts you into the system. I'm going to guess it is quite easy to assume that getting arrested or fined puts you closer to being caught than not doing so. One is likely taking risk daily just by working and renting an apartment, depending on circumstance. (Naturally, some landlords don't really get information and some jobs skirt legal requirements.)
Heck, even as a legal immigrant, I'm pretty careful not to break laws that I can easily avoid breaking. I know a traffic ticket won't get me sent back to the US, but I'd rather stay on the safe side.
I'm basing that on what I've seen of police interactions with homeless people in the cities versus my own experiences hunting, hiking, and camping. If you're out in the woods in a place you have a right to be, and you appear to know what you're doing, the ranger will usually just make sure you look like you'll live through the night. By contrast, a homeless person is likely to face a presumption of guilt in a city cop's eyes and at the very least be questioned, which can lead to identity issues. A ranger is likely to just say "carry on" without asking for ID if you're just camping.
That said, it's a good idea to not haunt a particular area too long, city or countryside.
I'm going to assume you know more about this than I do, because I know virtually nothing; I just sort of blindly assumed that you'd build a semi-permanent shelter and do some light farming in the area - but like I said, what I know about survival I learned from a handful of television shows.
I also know that it didn't look particularly fun, either - I think given my options, I'd rather be homeless in a city rather than homeless in the wilderness.
Well, if you're not hiding your identity and you just want to live off the land, go ahead and sell your investments and car and buy some acreage to homestead. It's a rough life but it's doable and enjoyable if you have the right mindset. If you're hiding your identity, you don't want to put down roots; a nomadic lifestyle is a must.
Personally I'm the opposite of you, I grew up playing in the woods and living on a farm so I'd be at home in the wilderness. In the city I'd be too paranoid to be comfortable, especially if I didn't want people to know who I was.
There's also the middle ground: Hike/hitchhike your way across the country, getting as far from "home" as you can. Find a small town or a farm where you can work for cash/room and board, don't ask too many questions and don't answer too many. After a few months or so, move on to another small town and start over. It's a hybrid lifestyle that may work for some people, keeps you mostly incognito but still near the comforts of modern life.
The middle ground sounds like it would be a pleasant way to spend some time, but I think I probably missed my chance for awhile, given that I've got a seven month old at home now :P
Seems pretty clear to me that being a legal nobody is pretty non-viable long term. If you were really going to do something like that, you'd have to build a new identity from scratch for yourself that's good enough to stand up to at least basic interaction with police and government agencies.
Yep. Honestly the only sure-fire way of getting kicked out of army basic it seems is to either repeatedly fail rifle qual, or to repeatedly fail the final PT test. And by the time you get to either, its clear that the easiest way out is to just do your thing and graduate.
When my father went through US Army basic training during the Cold War era the recruit next to him couldn't pass rifle qualification. So the drill sergeant just took that guy's ammo away, gave half to my dad and half to the recruit on the other side, and told them to shoot his target. Presumably standards are a little stricter now.
I dunno. What could be easier than failing a marksmanship test or a PT? What are they going to do, charge you with sandbagging? How do they prove that you really can shoot accurately or do X # of pullups?
For that matter, you could always go full Munchausen, and make yourself genuinely sick or weak.
Why would you purposefully try to fail at a proficiency test? This is like wondering why a toddler doesn't continue to throw a fit when it doesn't get it's way. You don't do it it because it makes everyone around you think you're an incompetent fool, and they will actively get in your way at every step. It's social suicide.
Why would you purposefully try to fail at a proficiency test?
E.g., you change your mind about joining the military. You can't resign or run away, so your best option might be to convince them that you're more trouble than you're worth.
In other words, if you actively want everyone around you to think you're an incompetent fool, then deliberately washing out of boot camp is the sort of thing you might try. I don't see why it wouldn't work. Refusing to accept the training would get you court-martialed, but you can't charge someone with just being a lousy shot, can you?
Basic is designed around two guiding principles; instilling fundamental military skills, and social coercion to instill compliance. I don't mean the latter in a derogatory way at all. Think about it; who in their right mind wants to expose themselves to small arms fire, etc etc? Basic training has a lot of experience dealing with people "who don't want to be there." Now it's become a lot softer compared to during the Cold War; we have to treat everyone as a special snowflake, and a lot of the old methodologies have become proscribed. But if the military let out everyone who decided (during basic) that signing on the dotted line was a mistake, the system wouldn't work.
You could do that, but no one would care. Feel sick? Too bad. If you have actual physical symptoms like a fever, then they'll give you some meds and back to work. I saw a guy complain of a migraine, given two bags of iv because he must have been dehydrated. If you're sick you don't see a dr, you see the medics, and they have to refer you to the dr, which they won't.
You really are trapped, and the only way out is even more painful or results in a criminal record. That was my experience, us army 98 to 02
The point is repeatedly failing a test - and every failure means that you get sent back to a few weeks of hard and unpleasant stuff before getting another chance to try again.
> it only took two days of basic training to make clear that signing up for the US Air Force was the worst mistake of a heretofore untroubled life
Was it really impossible to just put your hand up and say "uh, guys, I made a mistake, can we please forget about it?"
I mean, what were the consequences of you just sitting on the ground and refusing, or even just walking out of the place? Do they physically own you like a prison?
In the Australian military there is a cooling off period and you can do just that for the first few weeks. One person from my course signed up and never got on the bus (changed his mind in like 3 hours). Another quit on the second day. If you AWOL in that first week or two they aren't going to waste resources chasing you, because they don't want you back anyway.
Yeah, you're pretty much stuck. Come to think of it, there's no reason you should be. Asking someone to commit to something like military service before trying the (degrading) training is total BS. If they think letting people leave in the middle would loose them too many recruits, they might actually have to start training people humanely.
True - although I feel like every other job that deals with high stress situations finds other ways to give people that training. Also you can always drop out.
At least in combat MOS, there aren't very many comparable civilian jobs that train in a "friendly" manner. SWAT and HRT (FBI) often have former servicemen who have already learned or been trained to deal with combat situations.
Well, if you try to simply walk out of the place they can and will stop you at gunpoint, and can imprison you without resorting to the civilian justice system - the military can try, convict and punish you on their own according to their own regulations.
It sure did in my case--it only took two days of basic training to make clear that signing up for the US Air Force was the worst mistake of a heretofore untroubled life. It's gratifying to see my proposed method (an untimely hiking accident) so highly praised.
Just out of curiosity for anybody who has gone through this exercise what method(s) did you consider? Extra points for originality.