A realization that came to me much later in life was that, although I am in apparently full control of which thoughts I allow to persist in my mind, I do not appear to be in full control of when memories surface. Rather, very similar to my dreaming state, it seems as though there is some process which is constantly comparing my waking events to things that occurred in my past, and trying to form a connection between them.
For the most part this is good, but of course, not all memories are created equal. Sometimes this process of forming connections reminds me of a painful event, something I'd rather not think about.
At first it was frustrating when these memories surfaced repeatedly. I'd dwell on some embarassing thing I'd done, or some painful thing a friend had said to me, which they maybe didn't realize I'd taken so hard. It was tempting to analyze these events to death, and have silent conversations with these figments, as though I could go back and phrase it differently, or change my actions, and perhaps it would have gone better.
Eventually, however, I realized that these mental tasks were not productive. The event, the "danger" had already passed. So now, whenever I realize my mind is about to go down that path, when suddenly I am reminded of a painful event, we pause, my brain and I. "Do we really need to go down this road again? We know where it leads. Let's not."
And so we don't. We reach once again into the stream of thought, allow ourselves to dwell on some happier moment, and in time, that old memory fades and we're off on a different adventure.
For the most part this is good, but of course, not all memories are created equal. Sometimes this process of forming connections reminds me of a painful event, something I'd rather not think about.
At first it was frustrating when these memories surfaced repeatedly. I'd dwell on some embarassing thing I'd done, or some painful thing a friend had said to me, which they maybe didn't realize I'd taken so hard. It was tempting to analyze these events to death, and have silent conversations with these figments, as though I could go back and phrase it differently, or change my actions, and perhaps it would have gone better.
Eventually, however, I realized that these mental tasks were not productive. The event, the "danger" had already passed. So now, whenever I realize my mind is about to go down that path, when suddenly I am reminded of a painful event, we pause, my brain and I. "Do we really need to go down this road again? We know where it leads. Let's not."
And so we don't. We reach once again into the stream of thought, allow ourselves to dwell on some happier moment, and in time, that old memory fades and we're off on a different adventure.