One anti-pattern I particularly hate is sarcasm. For some reason, people in many online communities seem to think that they can't do without it — even that it somehow defines their personalities. But whenever somebody posts something even remotely against the grain, and the top-voted reply is in the vein of "Yeah, because that's a real problem", there's just nothing more I can do in that thread. It's a conversational dead-end.
I don't think what you're describing is a problem with sarcasm, it's a problem with people being dismissive. Sarcasm is just how they choose to express it. It wouldn't be any less toxic if that person said "Yeah, that's not a real problem" instead.
This is something I am trying to change in myself. Especially because the amount of time I spend being sarcastic online has started making this behavior spill over into real life. It is a toxic, toxic behavior that is justified only by people who conflate it with peacocking as a smart person. I don't need to do that. I would rather avoid destroying relationships over that.
I will defend sarcasm. Because sometimes, the only way to see the stupidity in your argument is to hear it said back to you. And yeah, it stings a bit. All the better.
The problem with sarcasm is that, when I use it, I'm not putting my own opinion out there to be critiqued, I'm only attacking the other guy's. I can change my argument at will and claim "I was only being ironic" with prior claims.
> "I can change my argument at will and claim "I was only being ironic" with prior claims."
This is solved by explicitly stating when you are being sarcastic, or following up the sarcastic paragraph with a paragraph that non-sarcastically explains your position.
> "The problem with sarcasm is that, when I use it, I'm not putting my own opinion out there to be critiqued, I'm only attacking the other guy's."
I don't think that is actually problematic. There are certain issues that I do not have strong feelings on one way or the other, so I consider my opinion on those issues to be of relatively little consequence. Nevertheless, I am still capable of analyzing and critiquing the merit of arguments made by others.
For instance, if the topic is tidal power stations being placed offshore of expensive private beach property (a topic that I do not care about one way or the other) and somebody objects that the view from those beaches will be destroyed, I might sarcastically quip that all transmission lines near golf courses and country clubs should be razed, because rich people should never be forced to gaze upon infrastructure. I would give this sarcastic quip because, although I don't really give a shit about tidal power, I can still recognize a ridiculous argument when I see one.
You don't need to mock someone to convey this. Just assume it was a brainfart (which it probably was): "Are you sure that's what you meant to say?". If they were actually wrong, they'll feel embarrassed enough about it without you mocking them as well.
I'm not talking about criticizing who misspoke. I'm talking about pointing out the stupidity of someone's poorly formed opinion, that may not be obvious to them.
Example:
A lawyer was cross-examining the doctor about whether or not he had checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate. "No," the doctor said. "I did not check his pulse." "And did you listen for a heartbeat?" asked the lawyer. "No I did not," the doctor said. "So," said the lawyer, "when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead." The doctor said, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was in a jar on my desk but, for all I know, he could be out practicing law somewhere."
That's mockery, but not the common use of sarcasm. Sarcasm is making a statement that is the opposite of what you mean, and using vocal tone to convey the "NOT". It's plain rude in spoken communication, but fundamentally impossible in text. People don't understand that when they hear their writing inside their head, where they apply the intonation.
I thought about that, but decided that "for all I know" was a carefully worded expression of "it is contrary to the logic of the known Universe and all who claim to be guided by reason, but I invite you to try to claim that a miracle occurred."
I guess it could be read either way. I am not expert in the finest points of a argumentative linguistics. :-)
Contrast to something like. "I had his brain in a jar. But in retrospect, I agree it was improper for me to rush to judgment".
That's not really a fair example. It's a court so appearances (regrettably) actually matter, and the doctor will most likely never have to work alongside the lawyer ever again. (Not to mention a lawyer in court will be completely mentally prepared for insults.)
If the doctor behaved the same way to a nurse asking about a particular patient, that would be toxic behaviour. All they had to say was "The checks weren't necessary, his brain was severed." Going out of your way to ridicule someone for a misunderstanding is completely unnecessary.
Appearances matter in way more than court. There's also the "court of public opinion." Sarcasm is a powerful tool to criticize whats wrong with society, and it would be a shame if we banned it completely because a few bullies abused it.
And I never said sarcasm was always appropriate. Obviously, a doctor should never talk to a nurse that way.
There are a few problems with this. First, sarcasm is often used in an "amirite, guys?" kind of way, as a means of reinforcing the status quo in a community and shutting down dissent. For example, you'll see this in pretty much any thread on r/games that discusses sexism or violence in the videogame industry. Secondly, I've found that when an argument seems stupid to me, there's a good chance that I'm missing something. Whether we realize it or not, we all live in very insular bubbles, and often we lack the context and/or empathy to fully understand an issue from the other side. Third, you don't change hearts and minds by being an asshole. It's, like, chapter two of "How to Win Friends and Influence People". Sarcasm is kind of, well, masturbatory in that sense.
