I've talked to several developers over the years that dream of being a groundskeeper.

A little about this. I worked plenty of my summers at a country club (my dad is a superintendent) and there is something to the work. There's some really shitty jobs (how about weed-eating the the creek banks in 90 degree temps and 90% humidity?), but mowing grass can be really enjoyable. When working at nicer clubs there is a certain amount of pressure to cut straight and even lines on greens/fairways/tees which is a nice little challenge and rewarding to look back on when you've done a good job (its art). Being out in the sun and working your body a little bit makes a man feel good and you're done around 3 (you start at 6).

It's funny how when we're young we'll look at a job like that with a sort of scorn as if we've got better things to do, but then as you get older you long a little for those nice summer days of cruising up and down the fairways, just you and your machine.

I don't think I'm ready to quit tech anytime soon as I do enjoy it and feel like I might eventually make some lasting impact somewhere, but thinking ahead towards "retirement", there's something appealing about the idea of heading down to the local country club, filling out an application and collecting my $10/hour to cut rough 3 days a week.

The best, most fun job I ever had was being a bag boy at a golf course during the summers when I was in undergrad. Got to spend the day outside, talk to the golfers as they came in, and everyone I worked with was enjoyable (one of my best friends actually ended up working with me when he found out how great it was). Plus, free golf, and during the downtimes we would go hit balls on the range or something. And picking the range (driving the machine around to sweep up the balls off the range) was incredibly chill and relaxing, like you described mowing.

As much as I loved that job, though, there's no way I could do it for a living. There's a reason it's only high school and college kids that do it -- the pay is horrible. Which is honestly fair, since the job's not very intense.

But there's a reason a lot of guys end up as golf course rangers in their retirement years.

> It's funny how when we're young we'll look at a job like that with a sort of scorn as if we've got better things to do, but then as you get older you long a little for those nice summer days of cruising up and down the fairways, just you and your machine.

Totally... also, there are some places that hire summer students and pay kind of lousy money and have rough conditions. But there are other places that will prefer to hire someone older, stabler, long term, and recognize that they won't be able to hold onto such a person without at least paying a living wage. That could be alright. More like $15-20 an hour for relaxed, reasonably well respected work with plenty of exercise and outside time.

> It's funny how when we're young we'll look at a job like that with a sort of scorn as if we've got better things to do, but then as you get older you long a little for those nice summer days of cruising up and down the fairways, just you and your machine.

The problem with a job like this is the lack of variety. Cruising up and down the same fairways for the seventeenth year can really get to you.

> * Talk to a psychiatrist and get some meds.

Do you have experience with this? I'm afraid if I'm on meds, I'll end up neglecting my life even more, rather than taking these strong hints from my mind and body that this isn't the way it should be.

I would absolutely love to hear any perspective on this from anyone.

I'm currently on an antidepressant and antipsychotic for a variant of depression called major depression with psychotic effects - basically, if depression gets bad enough you can start to lose touch with reality.

I was afraid to go on meds, but I'm very glad that I did. I have stopped neglecting my life, because I am able to go about my day without that 1000 pound rock on my back. It makes life much, much easier.

They are not "happy pills" in the sense that they make you relentlessly optimistic, but they take away the incredible pessimism and irrational despair that characterizes depression. I still have good and bad days, but they are related to actual events and not just relentlessly bad for no reason.

They are not without side effects (which thankfully for me have been very mild and have gone away after a few months - mild nausea if I take them on an empty stomach, some sexual stuff for a few months) but on the balance it's been incredibly positive.

You might hear some doubts about their efficacy, but from what I've read it's proportional to how badly off you are - the worse you're feeling, the more likely it is due to a chemical problem rather than just everyday sadness.

Meds can have disruptive side effects that make them difficult to adjust to. This is the primary reason I don't take them now. This is not true for everybody, and the side effects often wear off after a little while.

I wouldn't be afraid of neglecting yourself more. It's difficult to describe the effects of antidepressants, as their onset is extremely gradual (weeks to months) and it's been a while for me, but they basically shift the average mood up from "everything is kinda awful" to a more neutral equilibrium.

Antidepressants aren't the only option. Therapy is also effective, and if you feel that you're neglecting your life it does give you a place to talk about it.

Man, I might be slightly depressed at the idea of going back to another job, but meds scare the fucking crap out of me.

I was trying to do a class a semester and work at the same time at a startup as a junior full stack engineer for something I truly couldn't care less about (advertising).

I think the key thing that's making me look forward to my next position is 1: I found a spot where I'll have an office thus eliminating much of the distractors that are present in these ridiculous open office layouts. Creative people are distracted very easily [0] and the open office layout was really destroying my love for being an engineer. It was very funny because when I'd come home I'd be exhausted, but if I sat and tried to do my homework I'd actually get more done when I was exhausted because there weren't 100 people walking around me.

2. The office has a window. I hated working in this cramped, open, shared space we had for a while. The closest window was probably 25 feet away in a small conference room. And there was nothing on the walls.

3. This new position that I haven't quite accepted yet gives me the opportunity to write one day a week to create entries for a technical blog and writing is something I'd like to do anyways so the opportunity to be able to contribute to the tech community in that manner is tremendous.

4. This is a recruiting firm so I'll actually hopefully get to see some people get hired because of the things I do! How neat to have a real world impact.

5. They do lots of charity events so I can always respect that. Lots of companies focus on the parties but parties are just a way to escape in a lot of ways, I think giving back will feel tremendous.

6. I'll be helping to work out what to do next with the CEO, this could potentially be stressful, but I really love the idea of having the opportunity to develop performance indicators, plan out entire systems, and build a team. This allows me to be more than just a cog in the machine or one man on a team, it allows me to feel like a real god damn fuckin engineer. A contributor. I have so many ideas all the time, why not be employed somewhere where I'm more than just feature X, maintenence Y, and feature Z ad nauseum?

That being said there are a few downsides such as not being able to have a close mentor. I am still relatively junior. This means I'll have to work a bit harder on my own in order to stay fresh and keep building my skills which means some homework time with Code Complete and other resources like that. I may ask for them to hire me a mentor every fortnight for half a day so that I may improve and to keep the quality of everything I do for them up to snuff.

So, while I'm a bit apprehensive about starting up again (thats a lot of weight on my shoulders!), I'm very excited to start at a place where I think I'll really be able to have an incredibly positive impact in the environment that I really feel will have the most positive impact on my performance and well being. If I'm easily distracted by people slurping sodas, why is it that most of the choices for offices for tech workers force me to accept that the only acceptable place for me to do incredibly complex engineering work is near people making jokes and slurping sodas?

I may have taken a small pay cut (although bonuses will hopefully make up and then some if I really shine) but for me to finally have the opportunity to do engineering work in an office, and to be a part of the decision making process, and to have duties beyond just feature A and feature B including nontechnical technical writing, that excites me.

So I guess my advice is, maybe instead of seeking meds (although therapy on its own I'm sure might be incredibly good (I've not been yet (although it wouldn't surprise me if I probably should have))), maybe do some introspection and figure out exactly what it is that is draining you day after day and then try to change those.

For me, I think, it was an inability to get into the zone at work, thus making me spend so much of my energy just on maintaining a decent level of focus. When I'm home, I don't need that and the time flies whenever I actually sit and do work. To get rid of that energy drain should be tremendous for me. Maybe you guys will see some tech articles by me in the future, I sure hope so ;-)

[0] - http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6831248