Sorry but databases are just a hole to put your shit in when you want it out of memory.
You've got to be joking, right?
Data is an enterprise's single biggest asset. A robust, consistent and performant store is vital. SPs can be written as garbage like any other logic, but in the right hands they are a perfectly valid tool for providing useful access to complex data.
Interestingly some very enterprise products don't even try and use database features like foreign key relationships - it can be a bit of a shock to open a database with many thousands of tables and realise that there is no obvious way to work out how they relate without looking at application level structures.
You've got to be joking, right?
Data is an enterprise's single biggest asset. A robust, consistent and performant store is vital. SPs can be written as garbage like any other logic, but in the right hands they are a perfectly valid tool for providing useful access to complex data.